Panera Kitchen Sink cookie recipe leads to rare baking success story

Once upon a time, there was a land where the people were all free and happy. This is not that land–this is Glendale. We no longer live in a land where one can get a compliment in public, like “you are cute jeans.” Instead, we are confined to our homes, left with minimal opportunities for entertainment–this has forced many to find comfort crowded around their kitchen countertops, eating salads with their sisters, or even baking cookies stacked in monstrous towers uncomparable to those of Khloe Kardashian and Ryland Adams themselves.

In honor of Cookie Monster himself, we, the Chefs, decided to make some scrumptious cookies meant to be enjoyed by all during quarantine, even Oscar the Grouch. For today’s review, we have embarked on a journey to recreate Chef Sam’s favorite delicacy (other than napkins) from Panera Bread: Kitchen Sink cookies. 

Named for their combination of sweet and savory flavors, Kitchen Sink cookies are packed full of desirable ingredients for those of all ages. These cookies consist of pretzels, milk and semi-sweet chocolate chips, toffee bits, and sea salt, and are combined with a traditional from-scratch cookie mix. Depending on preferences, we learned that adding more or less of certain ingredients will change the texture; Sam used extra butter to make hers have the “consistency of a Jimmy John’s cookie eaten on a Thursday at 1 a.m. while doing AP Euro homework.”

Riley, on the other hand, was forced to substitute flour with a vanilla cake mix powder for half of the measured amount needed in the recipe, as she did not realize that stores no longer had flour (like toilet paper) available for the public. This made her cookies come out of the oven with a crispier texture, like that of biting into a Nature Valley bar. For once in our unified experiences as chefs together, we can conclude that these were not only extremely easy to make, but that the recipe was reliable and interpretable for even the worst treat connoisseurs. 

“Life is a delicate thing; it twists and turns on an axis made of tempered chocolate,” stated Sam. “These cookies balance perfectly on the point of such an axis, and are a beautiful combination of two distinct chocolatey flavors and your traditional sugar cookie.” Riley added, “As someone who is well acquainted with overusing salt on just about every food, I thoroughly enjoyed the sea salt topping on these snacks that complement the saltiness of the pretzel bits and sweetness of the rest.” Sam scores these as 27 out of 10, and Riley gave it a normal score of 9.24/10 for their overall excellence.

The recipe we tried today and our execution of such instructions was, for once, successful. We ventured into unknown territory, and came out as Lewis and Clark, legends of the expedition. Some would even call us the Kardashians, as we turned two talentless sacks into successes. This should be inspiration for you, the readers–if we can do it, so can you! Happy quarantining, thanks for reading this addition of The Chefs™, and tune in next time for another spicy review!